So I just came from Dublin, and while previously skeptical about the rantings of a certain person, I now know these things to be indelibly true. Knackers are real and oh, so horrid. I have never in my life met more fit candidates for experimental drowning.
Sure, bogans are unpleasant. Chavs are somewhat grotesque. But knackers are something else. Imagine, if you will, a woman dressed in a pink tracksuit. The outfit is ill fitting, such as to reveals a torturously stretched playboy bunny tattoo at the base of her spine, and another tasteless ink figure on the back of her squarish neck. Her hair is a mess, and partially bleached. Her mouth spews words of not-quite-formed English in an utterly incomprehensible and charmless accent. She is complaining about the price of a bag of bread rolls on her bill at the counter of a corner shop.
While she is doing this, her overweight, pug nosed, monstrous progeny is destroying a stand of toys. Her own mother, with skin like a badly damaged leather handbag and dressed in a matching pastel green tracksuit, is smoking a cigarette.
Multiply this by thousands and you begin to understand the horror that is the knackers. I saw mulleted, betrack-suited, obese 8 year olds abusing total strangers in the street. A family of knackers with two pre-school aged children, drinking, swearing, and laughing manically at the back of a bus. I was overwhelmed by the chatter of a half dozen knacker-juniors chatting obnoxiously and unceasingly in their horrid rendering of English in the middle of a crowded internet café. I unknowingly ordered food from one of the knacker snack bars, and was rewarded with the most inedible rendition of greasy spoon fare I have ever encountered.
Dublin was not without it’s charms, but certainly it possesses one of the most loathsome underclasses in the civilised world. It almost makes you understand why the Irish were so persecuted for such a long time, if it weren’t really the Irish that were persecuted, but some forbears to the present day knackers. And if that sounds shocking to you, don’t get up on that high horse until you’ve experienced the horror for yourself. Or better yet, just don’t.
2 Comments
I told ya. I friggin told ya. BUT you have to remember that while the lower class may be a horrible mess now, they were the revolutionaries that freed the Irish from the UK. Unfortunately the present day knackers have lost all sense of pride, and developed a strong resentment to the middle and upper classes that have benefitted from their relatives hard work.
That being said though: they are vermin and should be put down.
Um, I know this blog is called Critiquent… but what does that mean again? That’s it’s a frequent critique right? I guess you don’t have much to complain about. Or, if you do, that you’ve learnt to not complain.
…. HA HA HA! Oh, it feels good to laugh again…
Anyway, scathing is indeed the new black. So bring it on!
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